WHISPERING TO NICHOLAS BATES

To Kenny

you are born wrapped in a caul
of
confusion and medication. your mother lays on her
back for an entire 9 months
capped off by
18 hours
of pushing
and sucking
and wishing
that maybe things had gone a little differently
with you.

your mother is hoping to take you back
your father is down at the gift shop
and your big sis is at home with a bulimic nanny who likes to bite.

you see, the world is what you make of it
and your efforts will be rewarded if you put them forward
and everyone will value your opinion if you actually have one and-

your mother, she’s going to try to force you back.
she’s not going to physically force you back into her womb,
no. she’s going to unconcieve of you. she’s going to take her brain and wash it with windex and you, you’re not even going to be a smudge.
birds will pelt off her glass thinking they are actually flying into her
conscious thought.
she’s a killer, learn it now. you’re better off knowing.
she’s gonna need some help with all of her brainwashing, 18 hours is hard to forget and 9 months is even more of a challenge so…
she’s gonna suck in some snow through her nose
and she’s gonna push some glass into her veins

and you, you’re gonna be fine. You just have to try harder, pal.

live your life to the fullest and try hard,
you’ll get somewhere, you’ll see.
or if you don’t…well i guess it was everyone’s fault except your own.

stay away from cigarettes and pot and booze
stay away from women who say they love you
stay away from fast cars and credit cards.

remember what your sis
tried to whisper in your newborn ears-
remember what she said as she helped
wipe the fluids and casings of home off of you-
you are not a carbon copy of that woman on her back
you will not be responsible for picking her up off the floor
or doing the dirty dishes she will leave in the sink.
don’t block the punches that she receives
or take the hits that are passed her way.

you’ll wreak of cigarettes
you’ll go to school with fleas
you’ll be hungry all the time
and you’ll learn that water can be told to taste like anything you tell it to.
you’ll learn how to swim without help
how to be black and blue
you’ll learn to muffle coughs and sneezes out of a fear of being heard
you’ll learn to swear and cuss with the best of them.
you’ll learn how to jump off of a two story roof and run to the neighbor’s for help.
you’ll learn to sleep with a gun underneath a tiny twin bed.

your sis though,
she’s going to invent motherhood for
the both of you.
she’s going to tuck you into this world and
she’s going to bring you back to life.